It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
