Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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