all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You dont lie about slip and slides
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize