Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
