can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
