I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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