my phone needs a breathalizer
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
