I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
