you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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