ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
