just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
