Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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