Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
