and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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