How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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