Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
