If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
