I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
