awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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