just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
