i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
