Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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