My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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