it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize