she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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