Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
