so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
