Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize