I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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