recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
