Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
