the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
