My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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