you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
