I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
