I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize