he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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