those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
