She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
