well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
