Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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