i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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