if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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