Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
