Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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