Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
