My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
