Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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