it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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