1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
