I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
