I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize