i was born a porn star she said
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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