How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
