Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
