I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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