Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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