pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
