i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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