did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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