while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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