Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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