i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
