theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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