I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
