Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
